I miss your gin soaked kisses and tobacco infused hugs, the stench of you always suffocated my lungs. Long after you’d gone, your aroma would linger.
I miss your bleary eyes and your sloshy words. The meaningful way you could give merit to incoherent babble because you weren’t ever all there but you weren’t ever entirely gone either.
I miss you in the kind of way no one can understand, the way one misses someone who’d throw glass bottles around the house and break your favorite records in a jealous rage.
The way you miss the one who spit in your face when you suggested the diner with the waitress who had the same hairstyle as her.
Its irresponsible and irrational to miss things you used to hate but I never claimed to be the most sensible of people.
And we never had the most sensible of relationships
You and I were always the kind of people to hole up together in a dark room
with nothing but a bottle of pills, a fifth of jack, a gallon of water, a syringe, a few spoons and some fun to be had
When the party was outside, we were always in.
And they always rode us about leaving early
But you and I always knew we’d both check out early
and I think I am more bitter than sorry that one of us had to go first
Why? I ask myself
I ask myself why
Why couldn’t it have been me instead of you
I hate you for leaving me with this mess
I hate you for leaving me in this world
We were supposed to be a team
and that is the way it had always been
us against the world
no one hates things like you used to
No one is here to hate things with me
Now that I don’t have you
and I think maybe that is what I miss most of all
The miserable way you’d ruin my days
for no reason
No reason at all